The Weirdest “Sexy” Halloween Costumes of 2014

It’s that time of year again! Time to dress up like sexy versions of things while eating candy and watching scary movies? Or something like that? Anyway, it’s time for my annual round-up of the weirdest “sexy” versions of costumes from! And it’s your job to vote for which costume you’d most like to see me in. I will wear the winning costume for a photo shoot and show off the results to you. Because I have no shame. You can see me in 2012’s winning costume here, and 2013’s winning costume here.

So, without further ado, the weirdest “sexy” Halloween costumes of 2014:

Your Favorite Characters

Ruining your childhood, once costume at a time. 



Go ahead, say my name three times…




A plumber’s never looked so good! Just be prepared for a disappointing night of trick or treating–your candy’s always gonna be in a different castle.


“Christmas Story” Bunny

Nope. You should not take a little boy in an awkward bunny outfit and make it sexy. No no no. (Also, for the record, this is an officially licensed product.)




Well, this is a thing. A horrifying thing.

Darth Vader

Darth Vader

Ok, say what you want, but I think this outfit’s pretty hot. I just need to find some stormtroopers to follow me around.

From the Pages

Everyone knows reading is sexy. 


Sexy Detective

Ok, so I won’t ever be able to be as sexy as a certain Sherlock everyone loves so much, but perhaps a dress and a capelet is a good start? Bonus: It includes the magnifying glass and pipe.



“All For You” Musketeer

I’m gonna do nothing but eat 3 Musketeers bars if I wear this costume. And look for the other missing 2 Musketeers. Also, is this someone’s fantasy? Their lady dressed up as a sexy musketeer? No judgements, just wondering.

Sexy Animals

These costumes belong in a heavy petting zoo. 



Howling Adult Hottie Werewolf

I’m glad they clarified that this is an adult hottie werewolf. Wouldn’t want any hot teen wolves running around, now would we? Perk of this costume: you don’t have to shave your legs. Right? That’s how it works?


“Hey, you’re looking pretty good. How about we go back to my place? I’ve got a hot tub…I promise I won’t be shellfish…”




Insert every pun about bananas here.



Stinkin’ Cute Skunk

“Oh, don’t worry about that smell baby. “

From History(?)

You won’t find these hotties in any history books…

Cave Woman

“Goin’ Clubbin” Cave Woman

You better hope this cave woman lived in a temperate climate, or else the only thing she’ll do in this outfit is freeze to death.


Egyptian Cat Goddess

Egyptian Cat Goddess

Ahh, Ancient Egpyt. The only place/time that loved cats as much as the internet does. Be worshipped (or mistaken for Katy Perry) in this Egyptian Cat Goddess costume–it sure beats a keyboard cat costume, anyway.

Sexy Inanimate Objects

You’ll never look at these random objects the same way…



Can someone please explain to me what a “sexy touchdown” is? And why I’d want to dress up as a “touchdown” and not a football player, cheerleader, ref, or heck, even the football itself? And why does it say “Touchdown” on the field-dress?



“Maybe boys will notice me if I just turn into a cartoon mirage-style giant mug of beer!” “But honey, do you want to be noticed ONLY because you’ve turned into a cartoon mirage-style giant mug of beer?” “I guess not, Mom.”


Spicy Taco

Nope. Not touching the puns for this one. Nice of them to add a jaunty culturally appropriated hat.



“I’m sorry, I must have misunderstood you when you said to put on my best salsa dress. I’ll see myself out.”

Kool Aid Man

 Kool-Aid Man

“OH YEAH!” (I’d pair this with fishnets and sexily break down walls ALL THE TIME.)

Which one do you want to see me in? Leave a comment below! I’ll pick a winner based on what gets the most votes in the comments by 11:59pm PST on Thursday, October 9th.


  1. Oh lord, they’re all so BAD. I’m gonna vote for the Skunk, though. It’s the most ridiculous without getting into too many offensive jokes.

  2. The Darth Vader costume is super cool!!

  3. VADER. No question. 😉

  4. Oh man Vader or Kool-aid it’s tough OH YEAH!

  5. You should get Vader separately from this poll. It’s not weird, it’s freaking awesome and you’d look sexy as all get out.

    For the purposes of you having to dress up in something weird, I vote Lobster or Taco.

    (Side note: your comments on all of these made me giggle a lot. It was awkward for my office mate.)

  6. Dear gods, these are so wrong on so many levels. And while the Vader outfit is cool, I think we need to bust into ridiculousness– Kool-Aid Man.

    OH YEAH.

  7. Every fiber of my genetic being is telling me to vote for the taco, but I’m going against my heritage and voting for Beetlejuice.

  8. MY FAV TIME OF YEAR!!!!! Spicy Taco, Lobster and Kool-Aid man crack me up. Get Vader and Mario bc they are super sexy and you just need to own them. I would like 2 photo shoots this year. I need to see Vader, but I kind of need you to Kool Aid man through a wall. (Also your salsa dress joke is hilarious)

  9. KOOL-AID MAN is the only moral option

  10. Beer, Touchdown, Lobster, Rocky.

  11. Kool-aid!

  12. I love your captions! Sherlock, of course. Or Darth Vader. I’m afraid of the other choices. Very afraid.

  13. Kool-Aid Man.

  14. You have to do the Kool-Aid Man. I can only hope in the photoshoot there’s one of you busting down a wall.

    Can my vote count 3 times?
    Because LOBSTER.

    Or Kool-Aid man, I guess.

  16. Hey, Kool Aid!!!!

  17. Sexy Darth Vader, but only if you get storm troopers to follow you around. Like you said.

  18. The “sexy” lobster is killing me. But my vote would actually have to go to sexy Beetlejuice, because reasons.

  19. Tara, you’d make any of these look better, but I’m voting for Pirate Queen Captain Tara of the high T’s.

    Honorable mentions to Detective Tara Holmes and Darth Tara (if you opt out of that awful crotch-piece, maybe change to a skirt and stocking, idk).

  20. My vote in the poll has to go to Kool aid costume.

    But my true vote is for beer as it would be the best/worst to wear to parties/bars on Halloween.

  21. I vote Kool-Aid Man!

  22. Sexy Lobster, yo.

  23. I gotta vote for Lobster. DEM CLAWS.

    Also, aquarium photo shoot? I’m thinking yes.

  24. The Sherlock one is totally cute…but I do wanna see you as the Sexy Kool-Aid man. And I think that would require a video of you busting through a wall to go with the photos.

  25. Beetlejuice, for sure! The hair would just look fabulous on you 😉

  26. The Warewolf! Think about how fun the makeup can be!

  27. Definitely the taco one. Tacos are awesome.

  28. Kool-Aid Man! Breaking through walls and yelling “OH YEAH!” — how can you beat that?

  29. The thing this list is lacking is….sexy corn, there’s no sexy corn on here.

  30. Darth Vader. But if not Darth Vader, then Darth Kool Aid. Just sayin’.

  31. Darth Vader!

  32. KOOL AID MAN! OH YEA! I want to see you own a wall of cardboard/foam bricks.

  33. The lobster is cute and gets my vote. But I like the Beetlejuice costume even though it just doesn’t look like Beetlejuice to me. And of course, Kool-Aid man is a classic and would be awesome with the fish nets.

  34. I vote for the Kool-Aid man.. but only if you can get two people to dress up as walls that break apart so you can run through the middle of them and yell “OH YEAH!”

  35. Kool-Aid Man!

  36. Musketeer. You’re sexy, educated, and you kick ass. Seems good to me.

  37. OMG KOOL-AID. Rock that with fishnets and some sexy heels and you’re SET.

  38. That Darth Vader costume is AWESOME!
    And though I LOVE Rocky the Flying Squirrel, I feel like that’s a horrible rendition…no one should suffer with that one.
    But in the end, I vote Kool-Aid (wo)Man!


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